If you want to lose weight, then you should avoid this Ebay auction, where someone has a Higgs boson up for bids.
The Higgs boson, for those not up on their Standard Model of Particle Physics, is the subatomic particle that is theoretically responsible for giving all the other little particles their mass, and its detection is one of the main goals of the Large Hadron Collider. Come to think of it, the folks at CERN could've saved a lot of cash had they simply bid here instead of building a bazillion dollar machine to look for the Higgs. But then how would Brian Cox find work? And I love that graphic. 10^∞? That's a big number. You'd think magnifying the Higgs by that amount would make it look bigger. Anyway, read the whole thing, because it's pretty funny. Of course, this is a joke, and Ebay will no doubt take it down soon, so look before it's gone and you're doomed to travel the Universe forever with your mass kicked. Tip o' the spin 1/2 lepton to BABloggee Martin Kielty.