Very well then, Mrs. Scum, you have won tonight's star prize, the blow on the head.

Do you like getting kicked in the head by a donkey every night? How about sticking your tongue in an electrical outlet? Or maybe you prefer slicing habanero peppers and then rubbing your eyes. If any of these appeal to you, then may I suggest applying for the 2012 version of the TV show "Wife Swap"? Because I think an ass's hoof to the head or a few amps to the palate or capsaicin in the sclera would be like nectar and ambrosia compared to that show. And some sort of threat of dire physical duress should be the only way you could possibly want to apply to the show at all, let alone for an episode where they are actually asking for people who are preparing for disaster in 2012. Will I watch it? Hmmmm. Maybe. But like Odysseus, I may ask my family to lash me to the couch so that I may suffer without tearing myself to shreds. It's the only way.