Many have wondered about exact nature of Donald Trumpâs hair. Is it the worldâs worst toupee? A poorly-executed elaborate comb-over? A weird, incredibly expensive weave? The world may never know. But I prefer to think itâs inspired by natureânot another humanâs lovely locks, of course, but those of this animal, which some have taken to calling the Donald Trump Caterpillar or simply the Trumpapillar:
Meet the Trumpapillar. Photo Credit:Â Jeff Cremer
Prior to this election season, the animal was known as the Flannel Moth Caterpillar or the Asp Caterpillar (Megalopyge opercularis). As an adult, the Trumpapillar is equally fur-tastic:
The fuzzy adult flannel moth. Photo Credit:Â Patrick Coin
But while the adult is a plush hybrid between moth and cat, the young caterpillarâs golden hairs are not just fluff. The Donald Trump Caterpillar isnât just a surprisingly-accurate mimic of The Donaldâs hairâitâs even more venomous than its namesake. The lovely waves of dandelion âfurâ which so perfectly emulate the Republican candidateâs locks are actually dangerous spines capable of delivering potent toxins.
Macro shot of the Trumpapillarâs venomous hairs. Photo Credit:Â Jeff Cremer
According to the scientific literature, contact with the fine hairsâwhat scientists call âsetaeââis an awful experience. âIntense, throbbing pain develops immediately or within five minutes of contact with the caterpillar,â explains David Eagleman in Clinical Toxicology. And weâre not talking a little boo-booâas Eric Hossler explains in an article in Dermatologic Therapy, some patients liken the amount of pain to âa broken bone, kidney stones, or being hit with a hammer or baseball bat.â A characteristic grid of blood-colored spots mark the site of the sting for about a day afterwards. And pain isnât the only symptomâEagleman writes that responses to stings âcan include headaches, nausea, vomiting, intense abdominal distress, lymphadenopathy, lymphadenitis, and sometimes shock or respiratory stress.â
Impressive, for a wiggling wig.
In fact, the animal is so venomous that there are creaturesâother than The Donaldâwhich attempt to mimic its look, as Joe Hanson explains:
While these photos were taken in the Amazon, this furry monster isnât just found south of the border; its range extends through Texas all the way up to Maryland and down through Florida. Many Americans have Trumpy toupees crawling around their backyards and donât even know it! So if you live in the south, keep an eye outâyouâll regret rubbing elbows with the Trumpapillar even more than these Apprentice contestants do with its namesake.