Boy, was I relieved when I found out cigarettes aren’t bad for you!
It’s not as though I’ve had so much as a single whiff of tobacco in years, you understand. Nor am I even exposed to much secondhand smoke-- unless you count a sport jacket I used to wear during my tobacco-consuming days, which despite dozens of dry cleanings can still set off smoke detectors in three adjacent states. No, the problem is that my brand when I did smoke was Lark. In the gooey world of high-tar cigarettes, Larks were a virtual parking lot. Recognizing their product’s status as something less than a health food, the Lark manufacturers sought to capitalize on that shortcoming, providing proof-of-purchase seals that would allow smokers to send away for their own pulmonary embolism after their very first pack.
Given this, you can imagine my surprise when I discovered that despite all the studies linking smoking to disease, eminent doctors and research scientists have questioned the claimed significance of these experiments. Better still, some cigarettes, it turns out, can even protect the delicate tissues in your throat!
Cigarettes aren’t the only products whose reputations have been unexpectedly redeemed. According to recent studies, chocolate can actually inhibit the formation of cavities; high-fat nuts can lower the level of fat in the blood; and Wonder Bread, the only known bakery product able to double as a sturdy throw pillow, is really a diet food.
