"A zipper-entrapped penis is a painful predicament that can be made worse by overzealous intervention. Described is a simple, basic approach to release, that is the least traumatic to both patient and provider."
But wait! We need more science!
Comparing two methods of emergent zipper release:
"RESULTS: Mean zipper release times were faster for the alternate method (10.5 seconds) compared with the standard method (75.8 seconds) ( P < .001). CONCLUSION: The alternate method of zipper release is faster and easier than the standard method of zipper release; however, the optimal procedure is also dependent on the location of the entrapped tissue relative to the zipper actuator and the type of zipper."
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Thanks to Eric for today's ROFL!